On being a man of parts

Police in a suburb of Delhi have broken up a kidney racket, where wealthy patients had new organs installed after their removal from poor folks who were paid like 2,500 bucks apiece. It sounds real bad, but hell - a person has two kidneys, and you can get along just fine with one. And while our bodies are made of meat, our lives are made of time. What's more gruesome than selling yourself off an hour, a day, a year at a time for a little help with the rent? Just something to think about as we start another work week.

This time, we'll need low-carb breadlines

A lot of commentators less perceptive and intelligent than I are maintaining a pretty constant flow of thrice-digested excreta concerning the upcoming presidential election, so I'll make this brief. For one thing, anybody who has concerns about Romney because Mormons have such weird beliefs should check the record; Mitt Romney doesn't believe in anything. Two: The fact that someone is anxious, or even willing, to serve as president should be an automatic disqualification for the office. And finally, considering the economy and the employment numbers, maybe we should elect a president whose name sounds good with “ville” after it.

Don't get them started on the box springs

A house around the corner from me has a yard sign that says “War is not the answer.” I keep wanting to knock on the door and ask what the question is, 'cause actually, war might just be exactly the answer. But you know me. I don't want to be a smartass. And people sometimes publish before they've fully thought an issue through. Like in the Sunday paper, a big chain store advertised they were selling flocked top mattresses. Whoa. I mean, they may not be the best mattresses ever, but dissing them in public like that? Totally flocked top.

There's grog and buggery to be had right at home

Here's a vacation idea: you can pay somebody to let you help crew a sailboat. Whoopee! A chance to escape to the good old days of lice, scurvy, and flogging. Seriously, kids, adventure is to be avoided at all costs. Just navigating the minefield of daily life is all the adventure I can handle. I get my adrenaline rush from stuff like remembering dental appointments. To me, the structure of reality seems far from robust – the whole damn thing is ramshackle and temporary. Depending on your outlook, the straight and narrow can feel like a rut... or a tight rope.