Here is my handle, here is my spout.

A few months ago (August 11, 2008) I wrote the best paragraph ever written in the English language, all about the giant watering can of Utica, New York. I just re-read it, and it really holds up awfully well. I would rather read that rant over and over again than all the first novels from all the MFA recipients in America. It's that good. But now I'm informed that Staunton, Virginia claims the world's largest watering can. It's three feet taller, they say. My entire literary legacy depends on the primacy of the Utica can, so I'm a little bummed.