Slightly Punchy on Boxing Day

Reinsdyrsteik. That's Norwegian for reindeer steak. And, yeah, it looks exactly like a dopey misspelling of a dopey mispronunciation of the English. Which supports my theory about Norwegian, and also Swedish (actually, the word “Swedish” simply means “poor and badly dressed” in Norwegian), which is that it's just ordinary English pronounced with a thick Muppet-style accent. I've tested this theory by speaking like that to native Scandinavians, and they have pretended not to understand me, which I think proves my point. But how about them reindeer: They bring you Christmas gifts, and then you can eat them. Sure beats FedEx.

Never Enough

Give a dog enough to eat and a nice cleansing walk and he'll go right to sleep until he's hungry again. Do the same for a man and he'll start looking around for something to do next. Because he's no good at doing nothing. Because he gets antsy. Because humans never feel quite right. Forget your big brain and opposable thumb; it's dissatisfaction that's made our species what it is. It's our primary survival trait. Take it away and we're local and rare as bonobos. Striving to overcome your nature in order to attain Zen detachment only proves the point.