Normal Bean

There's a movie out right now called John Carter, and the critics aren't being kind. The reviewer at the Daily Telegraph called it “armrest-clawingly hammy and painfully dated." Which, I'm like, shut up. This is a movie adaptation of Princess of Mars, written 100 years ago by the same guy who wrote Tarzan, Carson of Venus, and Tanar of Pellucidar. I've read a bunch of them, and they're all pretty much the same, which is to say, hammy and dated. Plus, he's notoriously hard to translate to the screen; that film version of Naked Lunch wasn't much good either.