Monday, December 14, 2015
History will absolve me.
Remember how Superman would squeeze a lump of coal between his mighty pink hands, replicating the effects of eons of geological action and producing a fabulous diamond? Well, it turns out diamonds are made out of carbon. So here’s my genius plan: capture the carbon in the atmosphere, mash on it real hard until it turns into shiny diamonds and distribute the resultant tons and tons of valuable gems to impoverished persons everywhere, thereby solving the challenges of global warming and world poverty in a single brilliant stroke. Absurd, you say? Go ahead; snicker. Remember, they laughed at Jack Benny.