This all goes without saying

By the time anybody says, “...to make a long story short,” it's already too late. When they say, “I don't want to sound like a jerk,” it means they're a jerk. When they say, “Now, I may be wrong,” it means no such possibility exists. Then they may say, “Call me an idiot if you like.” This is a trick. You should not immediately say, “You're an idiot.” When they ask if you want some advice, you should always say “no.” They'll change it up on you sometimes, ask if you mind a little advice. Then your answer is “yes.”