OK. This week's rant is "written."

Big spender here decides to pop for new pair of boots for a sojourn to the frigid north, so off to Walmart I go. In consultation with the knowledgeable sales staff, I locate the area of the store containing footwear, and finally settle on a pair of boots that include the word “waterproof” stamped on the ankle. I take a test walk utilizing an old dog. I walk through some dewy grass and notice my toes are just the tiniest bit moist. These boots are not waterproof, they are “waterproof.” Like the chili is “homemade” and Will Ferrell is “funny.”