Wait -- hot oil what?

The fact that I can spew out a 100 word rant every Monday morning like clockwork while still maintaining a dizzyingly refined literary standard is testament to an almost crippling talent. It may look easy, but it's a high-wire act, a thrill ride, the adrenal equivalent of ladies' hot oil wrestling with a crazed banjo soundtrack. Yet, there are those who would criticize – nitpickers with nothing better to do than count the words and then disturb my post-rant torpor with their niggling questions. You think I shorted you? You want more words? I got two for you right here.