Palermo Pachyderms

While Sicilian Dwarf Elephants would be a great name for a soccer club, it was an extant species until about 200,000 years ago when they were eaten all up by Cave Hyenas. A full-grown Sicilian Dwarf Elephant would come just about up to your waist and weigh around 300 kilograms, too heavy for a house pet but perhaps manageable outdoors if you have a big yard. But a single Sicilian Dwarf Elephant would probably get lonely so you’d want to host a family. Don’t forget plenty of fresh drinking water and a sturdy fence to keep the Cave Hyenas out.

Are velcro shoes next?

Why is it that when a man reaches a certain age he finds himself walking girl dogs? I don’t mean dogs which are girls. I mean the type of dog which when you look at it you think probably it belongs to a girl. Yet here you are holding a tiny little leash taking tiny little steps around the block. It’s not just me. Check out the sidewalks in your neighborhood or go to the dog park. Young guys with Pitties and Shepherds. Geezers with Schnauzers or Dachshunds. Or French Bulldogs. Cripes. I never dreamt it would be French Bulldogs.

The Prune Song

You’ve probably heard a lot of loose talk these days about disinterring the remains of Frank Crumit and extracting his DNA to produce a clone in order to record new versions of songs he originally committed to wax in the days of acoustic recording and so enhance the audio quality of those renditions. I want to join the growing groundswell of opposition by stating clearly my belief that this is a terrible, terrible idea. The limited sonic spectrum and dynamic range as well as the surface noise and scratches and pops are part of the charm of these vintage recordings.