Monday, January 17, 2022

Check the couch cushions

So I was reading about mammals – actually most everything you’ll ever read, from the New York Times to Great Expectations, is about mammals – but I mean I was reading about mammals as critters, when I came across this sentence: “This group of vertebrates ranges in size from tiny shrews or small bats weighing only a few grams to the largest known animals, the whales.” And I see where they’re going here, wonders of nature and all, but do they really have to specify that whales are the largest known animals? Are there possibly larger, unknown ones? Where are they hiding?

Monday, January 10, 2022

Lower your expectations... more.

So, I went to a wedding the weekend before last and one of the folks there tested positive so I hunkered down and then got a drive-through test and felt kinda crappy so I cancelled my dental appointment for this morning but then the test came back negative so I guess I just had some generalized crud and the dentist it turns out hadn’t filled my slot so I’m headed over there in a couple minutes which is why I don’t have time to write a rant, just this lame excuse. Maybe I should re-christen these the “100 word alibis.”

Monday, January 3, 2022

This will have to do

Wow. I almost forgot to write the first rant of this new year. I mean, usually I write one first thing but somehow I spaced out and it didn’t occur to me till moments ago that was in fact Monday and that it frickin’ behooved me like a goldurn banshee to get on the stick and get to rantin’. Let’s see. There’s nothing to report on the usually reliable Big Pencil front, so that’s out. It looks like I’ll have to fall back on how little I really have to rant about. It’s an inauspicious beginning to our 15th season.

Monday, December 27, 2021

Here goes nothing

I’m a big fan of tedium, although I do admit that sometimes some things can be interesting in a good way. Like when you smell bacon and go into the kitchen to see what’s up. But most things are at their best when they excite no particular interest at all. Like, for instance, the weather, or your internal organs, or a person’s central nervous system. They’re best when they’re boring. Humdrum. Unobtrusive. And when the things you’d wish would stay boring suddenly make themselves extremely interesting, that’s where you run into trouble. Here’s wishing us all an uneventful new year.

Monday, December 20, 2021

I can do this in my sleep.

We are a proud organization dedicated to leveraging a heritage of innovation to drive its vision for tomorrow, serving a diverse group of stakeholders with the bright promise of a cleaner, greener world where a culture of respect and collaboration facilitates an environment of mutual support that enables each of us to reach our fullest potential as we strive together in a culture that recognizes that our greatest strength lies in our differences as we work in unison for the common goals we all share while we seek to continuously improve our processes and provide our customers with unparalleled service.

Monday, December 13, 2021

I’m not white. I’m ecru.

Although they have been stereotypically overrepresented in popular media as muscular heroes in extremely tight outfits or the President of the United States, actually white men are a diverse population with the full human range of variations. You can’t just make blanket statements like, “White men like Snickers bars,” which, yeah, okay, most of them do. However, today’s white man is more likely to be a tow truck driver or chemical engineer than a singing cowboy or G-man. But big media companies manipulate the narrative and who is the poorer for it? We all are, my friends. We all are.

Monday, December 6, 2021

Taking stock

I don’t know what I was expecting, exactly. Certainly certain aspects of all this have been both more challenging and more gratifying than I could have anticipated. I have no complaints. But if when I was a younger person you had suggested to me that I would somehow reach my current advanced age without ever becoming a member of any fez-wearing fraternal organization I would have called you a danged fool but there you have it, for what is this life but a row of bright beads of missed opportunity strung together along a slender cord of humdrum quotidian routine?