Kohlrabi is my spirit vegetable

You’re reading this, so I’ll assume you’re up for a pointless waste of time. So. I was just browsing through a list of 102 Spirit Animals beginning with Ant (diligence, unity, patience, self-control, sacrifice, loyalty, honesty) then Bee (communication, love, success, wisdom, wealth, hard work, protection, chastity) Ants are honest, bees are chaste. Jellyfish attributes include transparency, which you can’t argue with that. The list does not end with Zebra; it’s not an A-to-Z thing. Anyway no matter what the list says I believe the Eagle is my spirit animal because of how mom used to puke down my throat.

I've said it a thousand times

I have hard drive filled with these little essays. Most of them I have already posted here, but some are awaiting a morning when I have nothing to say and so I grab something from the slush pile and bingo I have this week’s rant. But here’s the thing: What if I’ve already posted this and failed to move the file to the appropriate folder? I hope someone would post about it in the comments, because I am certainly not going to go back and check. Folks, I have to read these as I write them, and once is enough.

If I've said it once

I have hard drive filled with these little essays. Most of them I have already posted here, but some are awaiting a morning when I have nothing to say and so I grab something from the slush pile and bingo I have this week’s rant. But here’s the thing: What if I’ve already posted this and failed to move the file to the appropriate folder? I hope someone would post about it in the comments, because I am certainly not going to go back and check. Folks, I have to read these as I write them, and once is enough.

Bully pulpit

Put aside for the moment (if you can [though probably you can’t]) that when Pete Hegseth opens his mouth it is to unapologetically boast about what are by any reasonable measure crimes against humanity and given his tendency toward equivocation crimes against reality as well, and he’s still hard to look at because you are seeing a human in torment. Just look at him grinding his teeth while white-knuckling it through the sequelae of rounds of conversion therapy and AA meetings. One hair out of place and his head would explode. That tight suit is all that’s holding him together.

Here’s shampoo to our real friends.

“Jeep Ducking” is a thing where Jeep owners leave rubber ducks on strangers’ Jeeps in parking lots as a Random Act of Kindness, an exuberantly silly gesture that forces me to reassess my opinion of people who drive Jeeps, and the recipient displays all their ducks on the dashboard. What’s frowned upon is buying ducks for your own dashboard which is like signing your own cast or wearing your own band’s t-shirt in the band photo. Simply. Not. Done. Anyway, if you drive a crappy car, how’s about leaving rubber novelty poop on other people’s autos of a certain vintage?

The moving finger

Playing music on an actual instrument has gone the way of sailing a boat or riding a horse, transitioning from a useful skill performed by working people in the course of their quotidian existence to an arcane and somewhat spendy hobby. It’s looking like the same thing is about to happen to writing. I want to apologize right now for using the word “quotidian” up there. That was inexcusable. If there was any way I could go back and change it I would certainly do so. Quotidian just means on a daily basis which is what I should have typed.

Hi-Biscus!

I figured I would pick up some fizzy water. Normally I’d do what I usually do; usually I’d make my normal choice. It’s the usual choice of most of my friends and acquaintances as well, if what I’m offered in their homes is any indication. It’s the pamplemousse, whose popularity as a fizzy water flavor can possibly be attributed to how dang much fun it is to say grapefruit in French. Anyway, this time I bought another flavor instead. Beneath the fragile veneer of civilization there is in my soul something savage and untameable, a wildness that sometimes frightens me.