Monday, August 26, 2013

The old man is snoring.

You know how it is when you get caught in the rain. First a few tiny droplets, barely more than mist. And you think, “I hope it holds off till I get home.” Then you're getting lightly sprinkled- polka dots appear on your trouser legs. Oh crap. And suddenly balls of water the size of grapes are banging into you and that turns into a torrent. Apparently you've grown gills, because there's certainly no room for air between the drops. You're wet as you can be. You're free to enjoy the rain. And you think, “What was I worried about?”

Monday, August 19, 2013

Off the rack

There's a rusty little picnic sized grill up on a cinderblock outside our back door. I said, “You know what would be cool? I'll find an old metal cocktail cart and cut out a circle to fit the grill,” and she said, “It's 13 years old. Let's get a new one. With legs.” Harrumph. But I didn't get grumpy. I took a look into the depths of my soul - pretty shallow going. It turns out my virtuous thrift was really aesthetic snobbery. In the time and place where I exist, there is nothing more deadeningly banal than making a purchase.

Monday, August 5, 2013

Buffer Overrun

A few thoughts: Pretty much anything you put on a bun with mustard, ketchup, pickles, and onions will taste like a hamburger. If you smear yourself with that buck lure that’s supposed to make you smell like a doe in rut, don’t hang out in the woods without your gun. Don’t be resentful of life lessons that leave you feeling disillusioned. Rather, try to figure out what illusioned you in the first place - that’s where the problem was. And finally, don’t let your pets hear you say, “It’s a dog-eat-dog world.” They tend to take everything literally.