Monday, November 24, 2008

A Tradition of Service, a Legacy of Caring

There were 52 rants last year. This is the 47th for this year. That makes this the 99th over all. So next week's rant will be my 100th 100 word rant. Some writers might make a big deal about a milestone like that, but not me. 100 is just a number. I'm certainly not going to waste my 100th blog in self-referential blather to commemorate reaching the century mark, blogwise. Because the 100 word rant isn't about me; it's about you, the reader. In that spirit, next week's historic rant will simply be a continuation of our heritage of excellence.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Blogging: the classier way to fling feces

Did you ever hear somebody say, “If people evolved from monkeys, why are there still monkeys?” It's meant to be clever, I think. Or one of those things like Steven Wright might have said. But it's just dumb. Nobody asks, “If jazz evolved from the blues, why is there still the blues?” Or, “If Christianity evolved from Judaism, why is there still Judaism?” “If American football evolved from rugby, why is there still rugby?” I could go on. I tend to do that. But look, if you don't like evolution, you should be perfectly happy with last year's flu shot.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Show the Hun you're a son-of-a-gun

Tomorrow will be Armistice Day, 90 years since the Great War ended. That was the war where the lights went out all over Europe. The war to end all wars. I heard somewhere that if you eviscerate a shark it will gobble up its own innards over and over as it bleeds to death in the water. The whole 20th century was kind of like that. Both my grandfathers were soldiers in that war- both for the losing side. You know what? I'll bet they didn't care. I bet anybody still standing on November 11th, 1918 felt like a winner.

Monday, November 3, 2008

He said “blah-blah-blah?”

First, let me make it clear that I don't think Jerry Lewis is funny. He never was. Even mentioning that the French think Jerry Lewis is a genius isn't funny. Dean Martin was funny, but the only funny thing Lewis ever did was receive medication that caused him to bloat up like one of those poison fish the Japanese eat raw. Blowfish Jerry Lewis was actually pretty funny. However. He recently got in trouble in Australia for calling cricket a “fag game.” Let's get real here: Who cares if some washed-up old kike offends a few Aussie cricket queens?