Monday, May 31, 2021

capsule review

Everyone involved in this production can be justly proud. The dialog is clearly enunciated and for the most part entirely intelligible, for which both the onscreen performers and the sound department should be given a hearty bravo. The cinematography is also exemplary, with more than adequate attention paid to focus and exposure; you can really see what’s going on! And given the healthy vigorous appearance of the cast, we assume that the foodstuffs provided by the craft services crew were tasty and nutritious – no skimping on the rations here. All in all, this is a triumph of the cinematic art.

Monday, May 24, 2021

Surprisingly unsurprising

Why am I even watching this? Nowadays dark and quirky is a genre unto itself, so the people responsible for generating dark and quirky media content are as constricted by the form as Ford Beebe ever was by second feature oaters. You could probably make good money renting out a standing-set dark and quirky movie ranch with all the requisite dark and quirky locales in one place. Or maybe they already have and it’s Ashtabula. I’ve said this before: First it’s art, then it’s craft, then it’s shtick. (I’ll probably end up saying it again as well. It’s that good.)

Monday, May 17, 2021

Yo estoy embarazada

Constipado doesn’t mean what I thought it meant. It’s the Spanish word for head cold. Libreria means bookstore; you have say biblioteca if you mean library. Gift is the German word for poison, which could lead to some confusion. In Italian, preservativo means condom, which of course most foods contain none of, why bother putting it on the label? Maybe best of all, in Russian and a bunch of other Slavic languages, bog means god. But I said all that to say this: I have a neologism to offer. I feel like the best synonym for palindrome would be wordrow.

Monday, May 10, 2021

educational film

A flesh wound hurts less than a stubbed toe and once wrapped in a strip of petticoat offers no impediment to subsequent exertions. Bad guys know how to bonk you on the head with a pistol butt so as to render you unconscious for a time – when you wake up, just rub the sore spot a little and you’ll be okay. Tough guys never look back at explosions. Cabbies know every apartment building in town by name. You’ll need between 70 and 120 minutes to solve the one big challenge in your life. After that, everything will be just fine.

Monday, May 3, 2021

Thumbs up!

Since you’re reading this, the odds are we’re members of the same species. Walk proud, fellow human. Weak and whiny and easily damaged though we may be, our mighty brains can invent ways around our physical deficiencies with innovative technologies that confer the functional equivalents of attributes like flight, sharp pointy teeth, and in the case of some cool-ass sneakers, bioluminescence. Sure, primitive tool use has been observed in cephalopods, primates, and corvids, but it is nowhere near as sophisticated as our own. They will, for instance, often use visegrips or channelocks where a socket wrench would be more appropriate.