Monday, July 31, 2023


When the public-relations machine kicks into high gear, every news outlet in the world decides independently that all you need is more breathless coverage of this one and only important thing. Like this summer, you don’t hear about anything but GPM J1839–10. That’s this deep space object that emits bursts of radio energy like a pulsar but at much longer intervals which makes it unique and inexplicable. According to John Timmer, a science writer with a way with words, “The list of known objects that can produce this sort of behavior is short and consists of precisely zero items.”

Monday, July 24, 2023

My name is Bill, let’s start a band!

Seeking musicians named William to form a band called the Willams which will play exclusively from the songbooks of Larry Williams, Hank Williams, Andy Williams, Pharrell Williams, Vanessa Williams, Don Williams, Zach Williams, Deniece Williams, as well as that one song from the first Jesus And Mary Chain album. Must have pro equipment, reliable transportation, and a secluded & secure rehearsal space/crash pad where I can stay. I’ll let you know where you can pick me up, as I will need a lift. Also, I don’t eat pork or Brussels Sprouts. (Except Canadian Bacon on Hawaiian Pizza) (LOL) (hint hint)

Monday, July 17, 2023

white and straight and regular

Is it just me or do Steven Tyler and Janet Jackson look more and more alike every year? Well, beauty standards are normative; they’re called “standards.” Nobody goes to a cosmetic surgeon to look more like Abe Vigoda. That’s why people in the pictures have teeth so white and straight and regular that it looks like they’re all sharing the same set of dentures. I have no problem with anybody modifying themselves in any way they choose but you maybe want to rein it in a bit when your statue at Madame Tussaud’s starts looking more realistic than you do.

Monday, July 10, 2023

Regimbartia attenuata

Some weeks I have a hard time finding personally meaningful topics for these tiny essays which although they are short I like to think they are pithy, sort of like the concentrated foods the Mercury astronauts took with them during the earliest days of human space flight. Not today, because I just read about a species of water beetle that when a frog eats it, it simply “traverses the amphibian’s throat, swims through the stomach, slides along the intestines and climbs out the frog’s butt, alive and well.” And that’s pretty much how I feel every day of my life.

Monday, July 3, 2023

A simile is like a metaphor...

Life is kind of like the Asian Super Buffet when you get back to your table and realize that you’ve put more on your plate than you can ever finish. Life is sometimes like calculus where you’re pretty sure you missed an important prerequisite that would have prepared you better for the material being presented. Life can feel sort of like dental surgery where your best course of action is to convince yourself you’re not there. And life can be a lot like miniature golf in that there are always going to be people who insist on taking it seriously.