Monday, February 28, 2022


My dog picks up a lot of Stickywilly during our perambulations, during the Stickywilly season. This weed is also known as Goosegrass, Cleavers, Clivers, Bedstraw, Barweed, Hedgeheriff, Hayriffe, Eriffe, Grip Grass, Hayruff, Catchweed, Scratweed, Mutton Chops, Robin-run-in-the-Grass, Loveman, Tongue Bleed, Goosebill, and Everlasting Friendship. But me, I like to call it Stickywilly. Reportedly it is edible and after you’ve tried it you should get back to me on that. Not much of a rant today I guess. I’m a little distracted. You know what Vladimir Nabokov said? He said, “Unfortunately, Russians today have completely lost their ability to kill tyrants.”

Monday, February 21, 2022

I suggest a dark gritty reboot

If you think about it, it’s pretty incredible that I’ve been writing and posting these things pretty much weekly since January 2007 without once mentioning Mr. Magoo. Well, dammit, that stops as of right now. Because I just learned that in 1997 there was a quickly forgotten live action Mr. Magoo movie starring Leslie Nielsen. A little follow-up reading reveals that it was an unfunny piece of crap. Of course it was. Leslie Nielsen? What were they thinking? There is only one living actor capable of taking on this iconic role and doing it justice. That man is Malcolm McDowell.

Monday, February 14, 2022

Stuff envelopes at home!

It’s like playing Russian Roulette without spinning the cylinder. Like playing catch with a hand grenade. The way a financial bubble works is that each successive buyer has to be stupider than the one before them. This is why I’m not getting involved in this whole crypto thing. Who could I sell to? The only people I know who are dumber than I am have already bought in. I’m going to put my money into something with a proven track record, like Beanie Babies or chinchillas. Or I’ll just sit tight till that Nigerian prince comes through with my dough.

Monday, February 7, 2022

Cosmo Allegretti was Mister Moose


Bet you didn’t know that Hugh “Lumpy” Brannum, who played Mister Green Jeans on Captain Kangaroo, was at one point the bassist for Fred Waring and his Pennsylvanians, and that the Waring Blender was named for that selfsame bandleader. Why do I mention this? Well, I read a witty quote from JBS Haldane (“Would I lay down my life to save my brother? No, but I would to save two brothers or eight cousins.”) and then I googled him and noticed that he looked remarkably like Captain Kangaroo. So, like all great discoveries, there was an element of chance involved.