Monday, May 26, 2014

So, a mixed reception.

The High Frequency Active Auroral Research Program (HAARP) is shutting down. In case you are neither a communications researcher nor a tinfoil hatted nutcase; HAARP employed an antenna array in Alaska to bounce radio waves off of the upper atmosphere. This to either gather basic knowledge to facilitate improved global communication or to achieve other, darker, aims. We have been warned that these antennae can cause floods, droughts, hurricanes, thunderstorms, earthquakes, power outages, and chronic fatigue. And potentially a sudden reversal of the Earth's magnetic poles, which could cause all the crayon drawings to fly violently from your refrigerator door.

Monday, May 19, 2014

His image

The other day I drove past a billboard with a picture of Jesus Christ on it. Nice looking fellow, sort of glowing. And what I thought was, boy, this guy must have really kind of stood out in first century Jerusalem. It makes you wonder why Judas would have to go through the whole kissing thing, instead of just saying, “He's the tall fair gangly blue-eyed goy.” Of course, maybe Judas just liked smooching blondes. Also, I wonder if a lot of people ever walked up to Jesus and told Him how much He looked like a young Gregg Allman.

Monday, May 12, 2014

It comes down to nose hair, really.

If you turn 21 this year, first off I want to say don't blame me. It was already mostly like this when I got here. Now. They're calling you the digital generation, masters of 21st century technology. But seriously, that's like calling a Victorian gentleman a Master of Steam Power because he knew how to buy a railway ticket. Actually, the railroads are one candidate for most transformative innovation ever. Others include the backstrap loom, movable type, artificial fertilizer, antibiotics... Me, I say it's scissors. A decent pair of scissors makes the difference between a civilized human and a savage.

Monday, May 5, 2014

Let's namecheck Hoyt Curtin here.

“Cottontail,” “Lester Leaps In,” “Salt Peanuts” are all written on top of the harmonic structure of “I Got Rhythm.” So is the Flintstones theme, and about a schmillion more. “Scrapple from the Apple” is the changes to “Honeysuckle Rose,” “Donna Lee” is “Indiana.” But wait. In 1928, Sigmund Romburg composed the operetta The New Moon which included the song “Softly, As in a Morning Sunrise.” In 1954, jazz guitarist Johnny Smith wrote a new tune on those changes. In 1960, some pickers in Tacoma cut a twangy version: The Ventures' “Walk, Don't Run,” courtesy of Siegmund Rosenberg from Kanizsa, Hungary.