Monday, October 26, 2009

Don't Cry for Me Adenocarcinoma

If you're reduced to reading this, you've probably already perused every scrap of information available to the public, including gum wrappers and the messages in the grout between tiles. So you already know what I'm about to tell you. But just in case you haven't heard: Andrew Lloyd Webber has been diagnosed with cancer. Probably not deadly, so this is one of those cases of too little, too late. He really needs to contract something more retroactive. I'm told he first noticed his prostate trouble when he kept having to get up in the middle of the night to compose.

Monday, October 19, 2009

I'm still waiting for the new Amiga...

Windows 7 is here. They say they've learned from what was wrong with Vista; they mean to say they learned a whole lot. Microsoft is like General Motors; they keep rolling out new models with different tailfins and headlight configurations in hopes that nobody will notice that the engine driving the whole contraption hasn't improved in decades. We all know how that worked for Pontiac and Oldsmobile: They're building Microsoft excitement! It's not your father's Windows! Then there's Linux. Even Chevy never had to worry about a bunch of engineers building a better car and giving it away for free.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Bankers and postmen are whooping it up.

Today we observe Columbus Day, although he actually discovered the new world (Three of the four preceding words are nonsense. The “the” is alright.) on October 21st, 1492 by the Gregorian calendar. Actually, by the Julian calendar in use in 1492, the date was October 12th, so we're back to this being Columbus Day. In my family, we don't do a lot for Columbus Day. Of all the holidays, I think only Arbor Day gets less hoopla. I suggest that Columbus Day is a great day to sit around in your pajamas listening to Duke Ellington. But what day isn't?

Monday, October 5, 2009

Explanations come to an end

Immanuel Kant could have used some hobbies. He should have built model railroads or hung out all day at comic book shops. Instead he filled volume after volume with maddening conceptual tail-chasing. That's what happens when smart people devote their energies to answering stupid questions. The meaning of life? It's in the dictionary. You want the meaning not of the word but of what the word represents? Stupid question – you know what “bicycle” means but you'd never ask for the meaning of your actual Schwinn. Take a ride in the park. You're not going to live forever, you know.