Monday, November 28, 2022


If you were to encounter the word “Superfosfatnyy” in the course of your research, you might assume at first glance that it signified some arcane process which purified certain important chemical elements which had heretofore been lost in previous refining operations but in future would be made available in bulk as an essential ingredient of some important component in an emerging technology that was destined to accelerate our journey toward a cleaner and greener energy-efficient future. You’d be wrong, though. Superfosfatnyy is a district of the city of Samarkand in Uzbekistan, one of only two doubly landlocked nations on Earth.

Monday, November 21, 2022

Affectionate Spectrum

Some people, you like them so much that it would be okay with you if they moved permanently into the spare room as long as they did their share of dishes. There are some people who are welcome to pretty much walk into your house whenever they feel like it, whereas some other people are totally welcome in your house but you would like to invite them ahead of time. And then some people, you try to invite them over to visit strongly enough so they know you like them but not so much that they actually ever show up.

Monday, November 14, 2022

Popular Science

Physicists break down the forces that drive the universe into four fundamental interactions. As I understand it, the strong force is what makes it so hard to get plastic five-gallon buckets apart while the weak force is all that’s keeping you from eating all the cookies. A third force, the electromagnetic interaction, only occurs when a grade school teacher has you wrap wire around a nail. Under no other conditions is this force to be observed in day-to-day life. The fourth force, gravity, is when you try to keep a straight face while somebody explains their paleo diet to you.

Monday, November 7, 2022

Six strings good, four strings better.

I always say you can play the guitar but you have to work the bass. The strings are fatter, the amplifiers are bigger, and you have to stand in the back watching guys with better hair get all the glory while you doggedly hold the music together. I remember one time, while we were playing, somebody actually tossed ladies’ underwear at me. It landed at my feet. And I’m like, “I loaded all this heavy crap in, I’m up here working my ass off so you can have a good time, and now you expect me to do your laundry?”