I was looking at some historic pictures of different dog breeds, from late in the 19th century, and you know what? The characteristics that make those different kinds of dogs look like they do are much less pronounced than today’s examples of the same breeds. Today’s wrinkly dogs are wrinklier, the dwarfy ones are dwarfier, and so forth. And of course, they also tend to suffer all the sequelae of inbreeding: tumors and bad hips and respiratory difficulties and also sometimes bad brains. It’s a cruel experiment in eugenics and enforced racial purity, and nothing to be proud of, boys.
Monday, June 20, 2022
Right now the best we can hope for is terrible. Awful people are getting exactly what they want at the expense of perfectly decent folks who are getting screwed in ways that range from mildly annoying to absolutely horrific. Seems like everybody I know is stressing out like never before because of what feels like a gathering confluence of nightmare scenarios coming home to roost in a shitstorm of tortured similes and mixed metaphors. But I say don’t panic. And I say that not because things ain’t so bad but because they were never all that good to begin with.
Monday, June 13, 2022
Did you used to read comic books? Remember Bizarro? He was like the shadow version of Superman; everything about him was the opposite of the Man of Steel. It was played for laughs and eventually they dreamed up a whole Bizarro World, where everything was a parody of mid-century middle-class American life. Like, the Bizarro dad would wear a frilly apron and wash dishes. Hilarious! Anyway, I’ve decided that this right here is Bizarro World, with everything backwards. In this world, the same government that can’t tell anyone to wear a face mask can force them to have a baby.
Monday, June 6, 2022
When you think about it, life is like a new pair of shoes. They’re uncomfortable at first and need breaking in. It’s an awkward phase. But after a while they both feel good and look good. You strut around looking snappy. Inevitably, after a time they start to become scuffed and worn, but at the same time they’re actually getting more comfortable. This is the best part, so you find yourself putting some effort into keeping them going. Early repairs yield promising results, but subsequent fixes are tenuous, transitory, and ultimately unsatisfactory. Finally they fall apart completely and that’s it.