Monday, July 27, 2015

Brain, too. Wear it out.

There's collectors who buy stuff and then never use it. Like they'll get some Star Wars action figures (they are not dolls don't call them dolls boys don't play with dolls) and never unwrap them so they can keep them perfect forever. Or those beautiful doll houses that no child will ever touch, the tiny wooden rocking chairs crying out to be splintered, swept up, and discarded. And your own personal working parts, like for instance liver? Use them up while you still can, otherwise people like Jack Bruce and David Crosby will get all the enjoyment out of them.

Monday, July 20, 2015


People who are sure they know the way things ought to be just make life tougher for those of us stuck with the way things are, which tends to take up most of our time and energy. And since the way things are right this moment is the direct result of absolutely everything that's already happened ever, any improvement scheme would need, to be effective, to be retroactive. If I fall in the river and begin to drown, I don't need the folks on the bank bickering about whether the government or the private sector should have provided swimming lessons.

Monday, July 13, 2015

Tiny armored flying vampires

I think I speak for my entire species when I say that I do not like being bitten by mosquitoes. I prefer not to be infected with malaria, chikungunya, or lymphatic filariasis. I don't even much enjoy little itchy bumps on the tender flesh of my ankles or, most infuriating, the elbows. On the other hand, I am a big fan of green tree frogs and anoles, who in turn are big fans of mosquitoes as menu items. Fair enough, I guess. Plus, when you spray for mosquitoes you also kill the fireflies. That's a metaphor for something, I think.

Monday, July 6, 2015

Politics and geography is my worst subject.

I was in the car all day and it was hard to hear the radio because there was a lot of road noise, but I think I heard someone say that Greece might leave Europe. This would be shame, because Greece is our number one source for literary quotes that you can skip right over as opposed to French or Latin which you have to kind of guess at. Also, much of America’s best authentic Italian pizza is provided by people of Greek descent. Anyway, the only continent with any room left is Antarctica, which is too cold for olives.