Monday, December 30, 2019

Panic in Year Zero

We’ve been over this before, and the only reason I bring it up is that I’d rather be a tendentious pedantic bore than, well, not be a tendentious pedantic bore, I guess. 2020 is not the first year of a new decade. It’s the last year of the second decade of the twenty-first century. I’m arguing a lost cause here, I know. Ira Flatow, the science guy from public radio, was talking about the new decade. Et tu, NPR? So that’s it. I’ll shut up. But let me make one thing absolutely clear: I hold you all in utter contempt.

Monday, December 23, 2019

Also, a Mothman statue and a Bob Evans.

For those of you who might find yourselves in or around Gallipolis, Ohio, here’s a tip: You could do a lot worse than to cross the river to Point Pleasant, West Virginia, for a day of fun and edification. For one thing, that’s where the Silver Bridge fell down in 1967. It was the only place it could have fallen down, when you think about it. They also have the West Virginia Farm Museum, home to the largest taxidermy horse in the world. I’ve never been to Point Pleasant, but I’ll bet there’s lots more to see and do.

Monday, December 16, 2019

This is all I have to say about that

So far, the 100 word rant has achieved its nearly universal acclaim by avoiding controversy. We don’t take sides. This is not  a political blog. But I want to make something clear. They keep having these debates and as far as I’m concerned they don’t need to. The prospective candidates could instead take turns defecating into a big lawn and leaf bag. Then they could seal up the bag, dress it in a navy blue suit, and stick a flag pin on its lapel. And when November rolled around, I would enthusiastically vote for the actual literal sack of shit.

Monday, December 9, 2019

Don’t order the pesadillas!

Okay, I’ve been learning Spanish (I have one of those internets on my desk) for about an hour a day for several months now, which I think pretty much makes me an expert. Certainly, I’m qualified to give advice about the talking of it. Now, a lot of time in Spanish you can make a plural by adding an s. But not always. Like, even though “tu” means you, you would never ask the names of several people by saying “Como tus llamas?” That would lead them to understand that you wanted to consume their herd of Peruvian pack animals.

Monday, December 2, 2019

Home of the Old Machinery Museum

I presume you are unaware of the existence of Mondovi, Wisconsin, up in Buffalo County. That’s about to change. Because in the year 1879, onetime resident Menzus Raynard Bump (May 28, 1838 – May 6, 1913) was a member of the Wisconsin State Assembly. Menzus R. Bump. He alone makes Mondovi worthy of note. But wait! It gets better. Also in 1879 (while Bump served  as a Representative),  Dutee A. Whelan was born in Mondovi. And Dutee A. Whelan grew up to be… a Wisconsin State Representative. Bump and Whelan. Two names that shall be forever linked in our memories.