Monday, April 24, 2023

Lives of the Philosophers, Pt. 10

Leszek KoĊ‚akowski lived from 1927 until 2009, so in a sense he is the least dead of any of the philosophers we have heretofore highlighted. This guy is brilliant; I’m watching as he apparently without effort dispenses with the life’s work of one after another of the giants of Western thought. Under his close scrutiny the entire endeavor seems to fragment into a tangle of mutually exclusive absurdities. So, thanks. I had thought that at least I could claim to know nothing, but now I’m not so sure. Life is pretty okay if you don’t think about it too much.

Monday, April 17, 2023

Unforgettable. That’s what you are.

Don’t you hate it when a non-profit solicits you in the mail and they give you some crap gift right up front in an attempt to guilt-trip you into making a donation? (Dear Doctors Without Borders: I send you money to provide medical care to needy people and you spend it on these low-quality tote bags. Stop doing that.) The Alzheimer’s Association just did that to me. They sent a bunch of those return address stickers because we all send so many letters these days. But that’s not the best part. They also enclosed (wait for it…) a memo pad.

Monday, April 10, 2023

Again with the shame

Last week I apologized for neglecting to inform my readers of an important national holiday and surmised that perhaps as a part of the celebrations there would be posed scenes with static costumed performers reproducing important events from our shared history. This is called “tableau vivant” in the French language and I notice now that I used an incorrect plural. It should be “tableaux vivants.” I sincerely hope that you can forgive me for any distress my error has caused. Also, it should be noted that both final consonants are silent and the plural is pronounced exactly like the singular.

Monday, April 3, 2023

U.S. Patent 19,783

I’m sorry. I feel that I’ve let you down. National Pencil Day was last Thursday and I’m only telling you now, when it’s too late to join any of the pencil-themed festivities which doubtless proliferated all around this great nation of ours. I envision crowds of school children lifting their shining faces to a cloudless blue sky, each waving a bright yellow Dixon Ticonderoga in time with the splendid brass band playing a rousing march. Possibly the presentation of tableau vivants depicting such milestones as Hymen Lipman’s 1858 patent of the attached eraser. I wouldn’t know. I missed it too.