Just who is this Mitch Starker I keep hearing about?

Are we going to finally have our own Great Depression? A little late, I say. Living through upheavals is what made our parents and grandparents the tough old birds they were. We were different, raised on Howdy Doody and Ovaltine. We were being fattened up to slide down easy when adversity came to swallow us. Like Kobe beef. Today they've decided a little dirt in a baby's diet is a good thing; a few microorganisms strengthen the immune system. So rat feces in hot dogs is actually a good thing, like a free vaccine. They should have charged us extra.