Are these the End Times?

As everyone knows, for years I resided in the great state of Wisconsin, an experience I recall with fondness. And recently it crossed my mind that I still can remember the Wisconsin State Soil, which is Antigo Silt Loam. I then realized that I had no idea if Wisconsin was unique in having a State Soil and it turns out, no, every state has one (mostly also silt loams) though only 20 of them have been legislatively so designated. So 30 of these United States have only common law or de facto State Soils. My God, what have we become?

Popcorn

There are two main types of popcorn, snowflake (also called butterfly) and mushroom. The corn you pop at home is more than likely snowflake corn, which when popped is fluffier and has those delicate pokey-outey parts. Mushroom popcorn pops up rounder and sturdier so that’s what they use to make popcorn balls or those tins with the cardboard divider separating three flavors which you only get at work and then only around the holidays. Also Cracker Jack, which has been severely degraded regarding the included toy. Every box of Cracker Jack ought to contain something a three-year-old can choke on.

zero tolerance

Texas has signs on the highway that say “OBEY WARNING SIGNS. STATE LAW.” So if you were to disobey a sign that says “DON’T TEXT AND DRIVE” you’d actually be breaking two laws at once, first by texting and driving and also second by disobeying the sign that says don’t text and drive. But wait! Don’t forget you’re also disobeying the first sign, the one that told you to obey warning signs. Well. There you are. Simultaneously committing three Texas crimes. Under current mandatory sentencing guidelines and Texas’ strict three strikes policy, you’re looking at death by lethal injection. Minimum.