Science News

I don't often use the word flabbergasted. It is an unpleasant word, with a sort of moist meaty sound to it. It seems somehow vulgar and possibly slightly obscene, although its meaning is innocuous enough. Perfectly decent folk are known to employ it in ordinary conversation. But I see no compelling reason to speak it in the presence of ladies or the very young, when dumbfounded or astonished convey the same general meaning. But the word seems completely apropos when one is confronted by the sentence “Newly discovered hermaphroditic sea slug deploys specialized needle-thin organ for injections near the eyes.”

Substantive Issues

I believe it is intrusive to prohibit driving under the influence of alcohol. Because the issue isn't whether a driver is drunk, but whether he or she is dangerous. So I propose administering the driving exam under progressively higher blood alcohol levels, and issuing a license at the highest level of inebriation at which the driver can pass the test. I also think it's nobody's business what performance enhancing drugs an athlete uses. Professional sports is show business, after all, and you don't see them taking back the Grateful Dead's gold records because they were achieved while using banned substances.

Leaving no mind unboggled

Here are two good reasons to mention Nikodem Poplawski. First, I suggest saying his name aloud a time or two. Nice, right? Second, Nikodem Poplawski is a physicist who theorizes that every black hole in our universe causes a Big Bang that creates another universe, which presumably would contain black holes of its own, ad infinitum. Conversely, our own universe is on the wrong side of an event horizon in another universe. Again, ad infinitum. Each universe has its own space-time; we can't ever visit. Sort of like how Nancy and Sluggo can't hang out with Charlie Brown and Lucy.

MSY to ORD to MSP

When they make you turn off all electronic devices on the airplane, I’m pretty sure they’re just messing with you. Because, if there was even the remotest chance you could do any damage, they wouldn't let you have them. They don’t say, “If you’re travelling today with any explosive devices, please be sure they are disarmed and securely stowed during takeoff and landing. ” You probably couldn't hijack a plane by threatening to turn on your Nook. Then as we deplaned, I saw a Sikh driver holding a sign that said “Christian White.” And I thought, “That man is mislabeled.”

Hey good lookin'

Rule of thumb, here: Mutations tend to persist in a species if they meet one of two criteria. Either they are adaptive and help an individual to survive (big brain, opposable thumbs) or they are so inconsequential as to have no effect (male pattern baldness, rollable tongue). Mutations that are bad for you tend to go away pretty quickly. Now, alcohol rots your liver, makes you stupid and lazy, gets you into fights that aren't worth winning. So why do so many humans tolerate, even crave, this toxic fluid? Anecdotal evidence suggests that it may convey an important reproductive advantage.

Imagine canine cologne.

We have peculiar relationships with other lifeforms. For instance chalk. Because, if you were a diatom, think how horrified you'd be to discover that billions and billions of the skeletons of your ancestors where being scraped across sidewalks for purposes of hopscotch. Then there's dogs, who have to eat food that's designed to smell good to people. Seriously, if dogs formulated it, dog food would smell like a blend of sun-ripened carp and cat feces. And I just read that researchers have found a promising treatment for multiple sclerosis in mice. Shouldn't we be investing in cures for humans first?

Velcro was a blind alley.

This is an age of wonders. I suffer no risk from diphtheria, polio, or smallpox. Cheap shipping makes it possible to locate the menial underlings who serve me far enough away so I never have to see them. My communications are enhanced by a little apparatus that keeps me in touch with people all over the world while ignoring the human across the table. I have a water filled chair that rinses away any substance I put in it, allowing me to urinate and defecate right inside my own home. However, my shoes are still held on with knotted strings.