Seriously. Waterskis?

If somebody asked me, “Do you like chocolate cake?” I would respond in all honesty, “Yes I do. I do like chocolate cake.” And if they said, “Then wouldn't you like to eat chocolate cake while having sex with Rita Hayworth? On waterskis?” Well, I would have to say, “No, actually. All that at once seems a bit much.” That's why I eschew music Fests. I like to listen to music. I like snacks and conversation. I like watching strangers drink so much beer they're oblivious to the melanoma visibly sprouting from their sunburnt flesh. Just not all at once.