I'm itching to write this.

As one symptom of testosterone poisoning, many male humans grow hairs out of the bottom half of the front of their heads. A lot of us periodically remove this growth with tiny knives. And although most people would say we are beardless, we are technically sporting an extremely short beard. Not little boys, though. They are exempt. Many young men wear their beards longer to look more grownup. Bald men wear beards to at least have hair somewhere. And I think maybe old men let their beards grow because they just can’t stand to look in the mirror any more.